Why?

4/3/2023
why? why did you do what can't be undone?
what pain you must have had inside
to do the unthinkable
three innocent children who will grow
with a void which cannot be filled
the demons you must have lived with who whispered
deadly secrets into your ear
oh, the agony you must have felt
was your decision made hastily?
or planned over time?
will we get to know the truth
or will we live in speculation?
no matter the how, the why, the where
the most torturous part is the who
who will feel the ripple effect
how many others will have the trajectory
of their lives forever changed
the ripples run rogue
amplify into tidal waves
which crash into the unexpecting shoreline
your children, your wife
did they know of the curse you hid inside?
they will forever live with a shadow cast over them
looming over every birthday, holiday, anniversary
wishing you were there.
nothing will ever be the same
the unfortunate truth is I know the kind of pain
which can lead one to the edge with the lost hope
of ever looking back
I know those evils all too well
when the sirens sing a song written just for you
when the wind gently turns your ship toward the rocky shoreline
the beauty lies, calling your name
you close your eyes and drift ever-closer
the sun warming your face
with each passing second
each inch closer to forever
but I'll never know your story
I'll never hear the song they sang to you
meant for your ears alone
It must have been beautiful, seductive, eternal
I wish the wind didn't blow today
the sun didn't shine
the song didn't penetrate your soul
I wish things were different
A part of me envies your strength
your resolve
having steered my ship toward the song, the shore
but my anchor fell before I could get too close
dragged me to a halt
and how thankful I am for my anchor
I know I'll hear my song again someday
and I'll think of you
and I'll pray my anchor falls before the seduction takes hold
I pray that your family remembers you
in a way which brings joy, not pain
and I pray, dear brother
that you may now rest in peace.